Just as the garden sleeps and dreams of Spring under its blanket of snow I too dream of the coming year and take stock of the choices I have made in the one that is coming to a close. I always seem to get contemplative this time of the year, the last week of December just after Christmas and before New Years. Likening Life to gardening it's the time you think about what you planted and all the work you put in. What did it yield? Would I plant it again? Should I try something new? Should I stick with the "tried and true" or experiment? As with all things moderation is the key...a mix of old and new keeps me learning and growing. One thing I know is that it's the experience, the work itself along the way not just the "harvest". Whatever it is it that I plant it needs to bring me understanding and most importantly, joy.
Life, a garden really, is a continuous cycle of work and dedication. You have to be passionate about all the stages; preparing your growing ground and starting your seedlings; are you starting off in the best environment? Thinning out your life so it's not so full that you are trying to keep up all the time. You don't want to suffocate yourself before you get started. You need to be able to fertilize and nurture your ideas, cultivate them so that they have healthy, constant care. You can't just drop the seed in the ground and expect it to take care of itself from that point on. And, yes, there are unforeseen events that happen, no fault of your own, that may devastate your plans. Too much, too little, negativity, pests of all sizes, can under mine "the best laid plans". You can sob into your lettuces, wrap your hoe around a tree, or cement over your garden entirely in frustration. Better yet you can shrug it off (like the French do), sit back in the dirt and raise your face to the sun and then get up and dust yourself off and make plans for the next garden. Everything in life is cyclical. Some years are just better than others. If nothing bad ever happened we wouldn't appreciate the good as much. You just keep trying.
My plans this year are to cultivate more JOY into my life, more fulfillment. I want to feel as if I am contributing to the lives of others in a good way, a compassionate way. The past year was one of much grief, loss and pain. With each passing day a little more light shines in. I've adapted, changed...I'm not the same person I was a year ago. Sometimes it has felt like I've been a seed that was too deeply planted and I kept pushing and pushing upward through layers and layers with no light in sight. I' m determined though to keep searching for "it", that something that will nurture and comfort my soul, bring me Peace. Perhaps this past year has been more about roots. I thought in the beginning that it was about a physical place to put them down but in reality it's much deeper than that. It's really more about my Spiritual roots, my true foundation. It's an inner strength of trust within my Self that stands calm and steadfast when the winds of change threaten. I bend and move because I am more flexible, more accepting. If I become rigid I'll risk snapping and breaking. Walking, journaling, and meditation has helped me focus.
I'm also grateful and thankful for everything and everyone in my life.
"Help us to be the always hopeful
gardeners of the spirit
who know that without darkness
nothing comes to birth
as without light
nothing flowers."
- May Sarton
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